By (Guest Contributor) Pink Panther

I will leave it up to others to do a more detailed analysis of what has happened in 2017 and to give us the benefit of their insights into what 2018 will offer. I thought it was time to look at what 2018 could offer by gazing into a crystal ball, by which I mean the bottom of a glass of vodka and Coke.

Chances are that I could not possibly come up with anything more batshit crazy than what 2017 actually gave us. From the swearing in of a racist misogynist as President of the United States and Puerto Rico and Texas being reduced to Third World status by hurricanes to two mass shootings – one in Las Vegas and one in Texas – that resulted in absolutely nothing being done about gun control within the United States 2017 certainly proved to be eventful. And who can forget all the Hollywood and other media bigwigs who suddenly lost their jobs because they were accused of being sexual predators?

Terrorists ran down people in London and blew up people at a Ariana Grande concert in Manchester. Islamic State inspired terrorists really have sunk to new lows, even for doomsday obsessed religious fanatics.

And Trump decided to ban transgender people from the U.S military.

More voted for National than any other party but a Labour led coalition ended up becoming the government because Winston Peters decided that Capitalism needed a human face. As if such a thing was possible!

Finally, North Korea went from nuclear armed crazy to nuclear missile armed scary-enough-to-wet-one’s-pants-from-sheer-terror crazy.

Even the Doomsday clock has been adjusted to reflect that we’re closer to nuclear war than we were during the Cold War – and that’s only because of Trump’s habit of tweeting without thinking and Kim Jong-Un telling the world he has his thumb on the button that’ll launch nuclear missiles if he is provoked.

So what will 2018 offer?

There will be war on the Korean peninsula this year and the chances are it will be a pre-emptive strike by the United States and its allies. The result will be Chinese intervention. And here’s a real shocker: the North Koreans won’t be the ones losing. Korea won’t be reunified under the Dear Successor but North Korea will no longer be ruled by the Kim Dynasty.

Sadly we’ll still have to put up with Trump for at least another year. The mid-term elections promise to be more depressing. The Republicans will retain control of Congress.

Sorry, there will be no peace in Syria but at least they can take solace in the fact Lorde will not be performing in Israel.

There will be more mass shootings in the United States and terrorist attacks launched by the remnants of Islamic State and their mates but the crystal ball won’t tell me where. It’s safe to say that the majority of victims will be in Iraq and Afghanistan, though.

Closer to home Jacinda Arden will struggle to get many of her policies through Parliament thanks to Winston Peters voting with the National-led opposition on some key votes. As 2018 comes to an end we can expect Ardern to start having serious regrets about being in coalition with Winston Peters.

One thing we can say with certainty is that 2018 is going to be an eventful year.

Anyway have yourselves a Happy New Year!

Cheers, Pink Panther